I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
