ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
