You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
