So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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