I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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