I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
