Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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