WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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