i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
