Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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