It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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