Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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