It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Help. Why am I so naked?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
