I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
