Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
