Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
