So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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