You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
