What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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