Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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