the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
