so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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