I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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