dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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