You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Soap is not a condiment
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
