I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I want to make a zoo with you.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
