I must be too annoying 4 u.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
