I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
