By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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