This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
