The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
