I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
