I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize
