I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
