Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
