I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
