Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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