I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
