he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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