remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Randomize
