She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
