Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
