The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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