OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
