There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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