Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
