So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
pray to the hookup gods
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
