We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
