I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
