why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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