my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
