See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
