I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
