we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
