I wanna passion pit in your ass
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
