She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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